We all have a voice inside that never stops talking.
Sometimes it’s our biggest cheerleader, but more often, it’s our harshest critic — the one that doubts, diminishes, and second-guesses everything we do.
That voice can sound like protection (“Don’t get your hopes up”) or practicality (“You’re not ready for that yet”). However, when left unchecked, it becomes a pattern — a subtle sabotage that shapes how we perceive ourselves and what we believe we deserve.
I’ve been there too. The voice that says you should be farther along, you should’ve known better, or you’re not enough yet.
And honestly? Sometimes I just want to tell it, “Please, just shut the **** up.”
Or worse yet — sometimes that voice doesn’t just live in our heads. It echoes through the people closest to us. Family members, friends, even well-meaning colleagues who project their own fears and limitations onto us. They question our choices, criticize our ideas, or tell us what we “should” be doing — not out of malice, but because our growth challenges their comfort zones.
When we internalize those external voices, they start to sound like our own. But they’re not true — they’re borrowed beliefs.
That’s why learning to separate your voice from their expectations is one of the most potent forms of self-awareness there is.
And here’s the truth I’ve learned: our thoughts are not facts, and our stories can be rewritten.
That critical voice often starts early — in moments when we feel small, unseen, or unworthy. Over time, those experiences solidify into internal narratives we replay automatically. They become the lens through which we interpret our worth, success, and belonging.
Science backs this up: studies show that the brain struggles to distinguish between real and imagined experiences, meaning the stories we repeat shape our emotions, behaviors, and even our self-image.
The good news? Just as we once learned to believe those limiting stories, we can learn to release and rewrite them.
Research shows women are more likely to experience patterns of negative self-talk than men — and it’s not because women are less capable or confident, but because of how society shapes self-awareness and expectation.
Why? Social and psychological factors play a significant role:
🌿 Socialization & Gender Norms: From an early age, girls are encouraged to be self-aware, empathetic, and pleasing — which can foster internal self-monitoring and comparison.
🌿 Emotional Labor: Women are often expected to manage emotions (their own and others’), creating constant pressure to perform and self-correct.
🌿 The Confidence Gap: Research shows women often underestimate their performance or readiness, even when outcomes match men’s — fueling cycles of self-doubt (Zenger Folkman, 2022).
The result? A louder inner critic and a heavier emotional load.
But awareness changes everything. When we start noticing that inner dialogue — when we name it, question it, and choose compassion instead of criticism — we reclaim our narrative.
When I left corporate earlier this year, that inner voice was loud.
What if you fail? It asked. What if you’re not cut out for this? (My inner voice is much ruder — but I’ll keep the blog clean.)
Beneath that fear was another whisper — the one that asked, What if you soar? What if you succeed?
That’s when I realized: my self-talk wasn’t the enemy. It was a mirror, showing me where I still needed to heal. The moment I stopped silencing it and started listening with compassion, the tone began to change.
And over time, that shift — from self-criticism to self-trust — became my true transformation. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s trending in the right direction.
At Jade & Oak, we believe transformation begins with awareness.
Changing your self-talk isn’t about silencing your inner voice — it’s about teaching it a new language: one grounded in truth, kindness, and growth.
✨ Because peace isn’t found in perfection — it’s found in the way we speak to ourselves when no one else is listening.
Start being kinder to yourself. You deserve it.